Who lifts you up

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“Leadership is lonely.”

It wasn’t the sentence that struck me. It was the person who said it that had me flabbergasted. This particular leader, a big-tech senior executive not generally known for their humanity in leadership. There was a lot of change afoot, and the two-year period leading up to this moment had been, let’s call it, tumultuous for the company, the tech industry, and the world in general.

Put more simply, it’d been a lot. For everyone.

But this leader, from the outside looking in, had been seemingly unscathed by the upheavals. Bigger roles, bigger titles, closer to the sun. And yet. There in the final moments of a pretty routine meeting, in an uncharacteristically human quiet moment… said to no one in particular, “Leadership is lonely”.

Their quiet statement struck me because I viewed them as someone untouched by the hardness of the tech industry’s transformation. By the impact on the people of the tech industry. But there, for a moment, the veneer cracked and I recognized the leader was, in fact, also a person who had some level of struggle going on.

66% of American workers report feeling some level of burnout (Censuswide/Moodle, 2025), but 43% of us report we’re too worried to talk openly about our anxiety, stress, or other mental health concerns at work (American Psychological Association, 2023). We’re worried we’ll look weak, broken, and “un-promoteable”, but research shows building resilience outside work actually makes us more effective leaders inside work.

With the uncertainty of work caused by AI and market pressures that make planning feel impossible, the daily news also adds to our collective stress, regardless of your politics. To call the times we’re leading in and through challenging is like dropping a pebble into the Grand Canyon to try to fill it. We’re expected to stay the (changing) course, keep doing more with less, and support our teams even as they show warning signs of breaking.

It’s lonely. It’s hard. But we “suit up” and do it. And the stress fractures are showing.

Ambition

What no one did in that room, that day? Ask, “How can I help?”

That doesn't mean no one reached out afterwards; someone may have. But in the room full of leaders…it was a lonely sentence that sailed into the center of the room only to drift quietly along until it was no longer on the horizon.

We can be better. In fact, when we connect in a more human way and build a culture of support, we’re better. In situations when workers feel psychologically safe, we’re 76% less likely to experience burnout (McKinsey, 2021). When we’re not burned out, we’re also likely to be physically healthier.

I get it. It’s completely understandable in today’s unstable job market to feel nervous to talk about our work challenges at work. There are real and remarkable benefits to gain at work when we connect with people who lift us up outside of work.

When we visit, call, or meet virtually with a person who brings us joy (let’s call them our “Epic Joys”), we get a double-sided physiological benefit (Seltzer LJ, Ziegler TE, Pollack SD, 2010). The key: texting won’t get you there. This is about what happens in our bodies when we hear the Epic Joy’s voice. The first bit of good body benefits from this type of connection? Your cortisol may decrease. Cortisol is the body’s main stress hormone, and when it’s elevated, it can lead to health problems like fatigue, weakened immunity, unhealthy sleep, and increased susceptibility of burnout.

The second body benefit from an Epic Joy conversation? Increased oxytocin. Oxytocin is fondly referred to as the “bonding” or “love” hormone, and when you get a boost of the bonding hormone, you may feel a deeper sense of belonging, an improved emotional energy, and combat the exhaustion dimension of burnout.

Who are the Epic Joys in your life? When was your last check-in with them? Many of the people I’m talking with about burnout or their workplace anxiety have done just what I did when I was in the thick of my burnout. They’ve closed off. Sometimes they don’t want to bother or worry family or friends. Sometimes people feel too guilty or embarrassed.

My recommendation: take the pressure off by making the goal to simply connect - no heavy conversation required. Just HEAR your Epic Joy. To reap the hormonal benefit. To feel better. To build resilience.

The new ambition is recognizing that sustainable leadership requires sustainable support systems. Your Epic Joy isn't a personal cheerleader - they’re a key member your professional growth board.

GO|DO

estimated time investment: 15 - 30 minutes | estimated energy investment: almost none

This week, you’ve got homework. Reach out and HEAR someone. Specifically, your Epic Joy.

This small-ish action is a great way to boost your resilience across all three burnout dimensions (energy, mindset, and efficacy). And who doesn’t need more energy, a better mindset, and to be reminded of how incredible your gifts are?

And there's an added bonus: with 66% of us reporting we feel some level of burnout, odds are your personal Epic Joy feels just the same way when they hear from you.

Which means: they may very well achieve the same physiological boost as you do from the call. Win. Win.

And then you both get to go back into your work, or your job search, or the company you’re building…well, a little bit more resilient. And that benefits your whole life as well. More energy for your family. More energy to meet your commitments. When we model this type of sustainable practice, our teams might even follow suit, amplifying the benefits.

Feel too easy? Fantastic. Make the call. Get the boost. Take the win.

Get In There

• 📆 June 18, 2025 [8 - 9 EDT] Women in Tech June Virtual Forum oh, yes I will be in attendance! WIT is examining the disparity between women in tech and their male counterparts who leave the field.

• 🔖 Four Ways Social Support Makes You More Resilient, from Jill Suttie at Greater Good Magazine.

• 🔰 Why Burnout is Less About Workload and More About Lack of Connection, from Jen Marr at Forbes

I was asked last week at edUcon 2025 how to get HR to help improve our work. My answer? It’s up to us. Taking healthier steps, and telling the story of the win-win-win value our changes delivered. Small steps matter. I believe in us. Have feedback for me? Reply to this email - I read every response.

P.S. If you're a leader ready to build sustainable success for yourself and your team, I work with executives on strategy and operations that scale without burning people out. Grab time on my calendar or reply to this email if you'd like to explore how fractional support could help.